andrehyg, Divine Mercy

I’ve been forced to stay at home since Sunday after going to church in the morning. I feel better now although my temperature is not that normal, still hot :(

I was kind of cold on Sunday morning but I forced myself to go to church, trying to convince myself that nothing’s wrong. When driving to church, all my parts of my body ached, even it’s hard to change gear of my car but again, I tried to convince myself that it would disappear. My body started to shiver as my temperature rose during the mass, also my head felt so heavy. The mass ended for two hours because there were first communion and I felt I was dying. Bright Sunday morning but I was shivering.

My mom was surprised I arrived home so early on Sunday :) Usually I won’t reach home after noon. Seeing my pale face, she knew exactly I was not ok. I directly went upstairs to my room and tried to sleep but I couldn’t. After having lunch and taking panadol, I covered myself with two blankets but since the coldness’s from inside, it didn’t help much.

Until 7 o’clock at night, my temperature remained high. Without letting me know, my mom called my brother to ask if he could bring me to a doctor. Thought she just wanted to share. Later I told my brother to wait until tomorrow morning to see if my temperature would be back to normal. If not, then we would try to find a doctor. Thanks God to have so caring family. My advice to you, have a solid family because it is very very important, don’t like mine, a broken family :(

I woke up on Monday morning and felt a bit better, at least my temperature’s not high. The phone rang and my brother asked if I wanted to see a doctor and I told him it’s no need. I spent all day sleeping, not forgetting to take panadol + vitamins. I am feeling better now as I write this blog.

Today is the last day of work. Tomorrow is Saturday followed by Sunday then Monday to next Saturday, for the whole week, are holidays celebrating Moslems’ end of fasting. So I won’t be working for the whole week, then, what will happen to my blog? Will I keep updating? Let’s see. I have a lot of translation waiting, meaning that I have to deal with my computer at home and usually in front of a computer, I am tempted to write :)

Wishing you all Happy Idul Fitri!

Knowledge is to be shared, not to be kept. The more we share, the more we gain, that’s the way it is. Besides, it’s so noble to share our knowledge. That’s why I consider teachers or anybody who teach informally a dignified position. The reason I have a good knowledge at one subject is because I teach and share the knowledge with others. I have proved that. You should share too.

I care for my brothers and sisters. Now and then, I will ask about their daily activities or I will simply call or visit to say hello. Although sometimes I don’t because I am busy, deep inside I still care for them and it won’t change.

I was hurt once by my own blood brother when he didn’t trust me. Recently I was also hurt by a friend. Did I say a friend? Yes, I did, at least from my side. Don’t know from her side but I don’t mind. Maybe she will think “Who the hell you are, you dare to consider me a friend?”. Poor me, but it’s ok, I’m doing just fine. I do what I need to do.

Who the hell I am?

Had a long talk with my friend. He just came back from Singapore for several private businesses. He shared a story about a man picking flowers. The man’s allowed to pick the most beautiful flower in a garden but he’s allowed once. He walked and picked a flower he considered beautiful but later in the garden, he saw what he considered a more beautiful flower, threw the one he had and made a new pick. It kept happening and when his time’s up, he had in his hand a flower that’s not more beautiful than the previous ones.

When I am about to make a decision to go steady with a girl, suddenly from nowhere emerge another girl which I consider more attractive, more beautiful and more suitable for me plus many plus points. Sometimes I realize I’m wrong with that kind of attitude but I can’t help it. Am I greedy? Am I selfish? Most probably. I’m a human being and I’m weak.

Wanna know my reason I try to update my blog everyday? It’s because I have a regular visitor. I used to not believe in motivation but now I must admit that I am motivated. If nobody reads my blog, you’ll find it sit stagnant for months for sure. So, on this occasion, I wanna thank you for reading my blog. And if you read it more carefully, you will find that most of the inspiration of my writing comes from you. You’re the inspiration.

A friend working in Singapore returned to Jakarta for his sister graduation. My brother’s son, Jason, had his birthday celebrated at McDonalds Sarinah. Yesterday was my busy day, from 6 o’clock in the morning going to Cathedral church to 10 pm reaching home. A heavy rain at noon made me stuck in a heavy traffic jam for hours.

Talking about Jason’s birthday, I have not bought him a present. Toys? Not a good idea, already many toys. Money? He cannot spend yet :) Will think of something later. Any idea?

It’s weekend again. Time moves so fast.

I learnt something this week, that nothing is eternal. Everything changes even if we don’t want it to change. Outside factors are stronger than what we have inside. Although things change, what inside me remains the same, that’s the best I can do, at least I am trying hard.

Just now I called Trisno of Gratia Voice to discuss about ready-made songs sung in a mass to follow up a discussion with Indonesian bishops last night. He sms(ed) me back informing me that he is in a hospital having blood transfusion to inject some substances to his blood because his blood lacks that thing. He also informed me that he might have to stay overnight in the hospital. He has to have transfusion regularly, if not, his body and joints will become swollen and he can’t walk. My God, can’t imagine his suffering. He must do the blood transfusion all his life.

Sometimes I just feel it’s funny. Everytime I chase a girl, it’s almost definite that she will reject me. I come to this conclusion because it happens to me many times already. A cute girl from my hometown at PMKRI (Catholic Students’ Organization), another girl of SFC (Single for Christ), a classmate at Atmajaya University, a colleague, to mention a few. Gradually, I think I am getting used to be rejected. Don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I too annoying? Am I difficult to compromise? Probably, because once a friend criticized my ‘bad’ behaviour.

On the other hand, when a girl likes me (not physically for sure because I am not physically good looking), I am forced to dissappoint her. Why? Unexplainable. I don’t have the answer.

Some believe that we’re played by life? I don’t agree. Anything could happen in a life.

I give up. I give up after trying hard to compromise with my feeling. I should let go. In fact, I should have let go long time ago because actually I know it won’t work. Trying to make it work is like daydreaming. The problem is I did daydream, poor me… I’m a human and I’m weak.

It’s hoped after I give up and be able to let go, things will be better. I can fully be myself without having to over-compromise which sometimes hurts my feeling. I will try to open my eyes wide to see things more logically.

Not everything is in accordance to what we want. Please remember that. We cannot hope that everything is perfect. Remember you are an ordinary man and therefore live an ordinary life. Be thankful to what you have but again I’m human and I’m weak… (sigh)

Kompas today reported about the detention of 12 doomsday sect leaders in Bandung. The writer mentioned a book titled ‘How to Identify a Dangerous Religious Group’ by Ron Enroth. Below is what I have found on the net:

http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/q1101/page5.html

Indoctrination. An additional mark of many dangerous religious groups is their use of sophisticated methods of recruitment and coercive persuasion. Rather than allowing converts to make decisions of faith based on their own sense of good judgment, some groups break down individual thinking by one or more of the following techniques:

Isolation. Recruits are isolated from family, friends, and news media in order to screen out opposing points of view.
Peer-group Pressure. Potential converts are subjected to intense persuasion by group members.
Love Bombing. Group members give prospects an overwhelming sense of acceptance, belonging, and significance by "bombing" them with flattery, touching, and hugging.
Removal of Privacy. Recruits are never left alone to collect and discover their own thoughts.
Sleep Deprivation and Fatigue. A person's resistance is broken down by long meetings and extended work hours.
Games. Complex games are played for the purpose of creating a sense of dependence on the rule-giving leader.
Mind Control. Members are conditioned to stop thinking and to accept without question the revelations and doctrines of their leader.
Confession. The self-respect of the members is broken down through persuading them to share their innermost secrets with the group.
Change of Diet. Members are provided inadequate nutrition, which breaks down their resistance and makes them vulnerable to suggestion.
Fear. Negative thoughts or doubts about the group or its leader are said to be soul-threatening. Anyone leaving the group is warned about harsh consequences.
Chanting and Singing. Members are subjected to constant repetition, which blocks their rational thought processes.
Childlike Dependence. The leader demands absolute submission to his control.
No Questions. Followers are taught to accept without question the revelations and interpretations of their leaders.
Dress. Conformity of dress is encouraged to suppress individuality.
Elitism. Every religious leader outside the group is said to be satanic or, at best, deceived by an evil conspiracy.
(Adapted from: The Cult Crisis, Citizens Freedom Foundation.)

It’s Friday again, it’s weekend again. Everybody seems happy at the end of the week after five days of hard working. Students who have to live near their campuses go home on weekends, employees who have to stay near their offices do the same. Husbands who leave their families to work in Jakarta go back to the hometown. I can feel the happiness in the air.

Do you need to get an appreciation when you give somebody a gift? Some need, some don’t. Me, I don’t. Never cross my mind to get a reward, appreciation or whatever when I give somebody something, whether it’s a big gift or just a small present. However, I’ll be very glad if the receiver appreciates what I have given, even in the heart but if the receiver is not pleased with the gift because of a specific reason, I’ll still be glad. :) I give what I need to give and I am happy to give, no hidden intentions.

Making a relationship ain’t easy, at least for me. Don’t know if others find it not difficult. Many things are to consider: your past relationship, your present unsure heading-nowhere relationship, the one you are going to make a relationship with, yourself. Or maybe I am the one who has so many things to consider :) It could be, considering the fact that up to know I am still single.

Talking about the one you are going to make a relationship with. She must be beautiful, she must be smart, she must be understanding, she must listen to me, not stubborn, she must be willing to serve me. With so many conditions, just wondering when I will get married. Any girls with those specifications? Not sure, maybe I will just wait till she’s sent from heaven :)

Mathew 5:39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

My mom is back from Taipei, Taiwan after 3 months of stay there. Thank God she is fine, at least nothing heavy bothers her mind, knowing the incident although now and then she wonders how it could happen by asking me the same question.

Bella is back also. She seems thin, maybe no one looked after her.

Life goes on…

My friend told me she had a dream about me a couple of nights ago. When asked about what she dreamed of, she didn’t want to tell me but instead she touched my lips with hers. Frankly speaking, I was surprised, didn’t expect she would do that to me. Maybe she was carried away by her feeling cause I was putting my arms around her at that time, as part of a little ‘secret’ ceremony.

Anyway, it’s good that one can express his/her feeling. I am not an expressive type myself.